Scary Roller Coaster Ride

Great Mother, what a week! I almost don't know where to begin. We never anticipated that things would be the way they presently are. *sigh* Okay...here we go.

First...the good news. Although Don didn't get accepted to the graduate program of choice, BU DID accept him to an alternate program with the offer to reconsider his application to the original program based on his academic performance this fall. With that news, we celebrated with calls to family and friends and the requisite libations. I am so proud of him, :-).

Next...our continued efforts toward financial and spiritual growth. Yesterday, we began a marketing course for our respective practices, Tarot for Don and massage and Reiki for me. We deliberately did this over brunch as we thought that learning about abundance would be all the more reinforced by simultaneously enjoying a very fulfilling meal. The course is one which Don ordered for us and is produced by a couple experienced in actively creating genuine abundance on the physical and spiritual levels. Although we didn't get very far into it yesterday, the points covered struck home...particularly with regard to my past. We are pleased and excited about moving forward with this new information and watching things unfold.

Enter the test of our commitment to the renewed pursuit of abundance...aka, the bad news. Our cat, Jasper, whom the vet saw last week for an ingrown claw, had yet to fully recover and we were puzzled by his behaviour. As of three days ago, he appeared to be getting more lethargic and was just increasingly not himself. He even let ME pick him up which he has NEVER allowed before. I expressed my increasing concerns to Don and we decided to call the vet. At this point, I must momentarily digress to praise our vet. First of all, the first time we contacted him, it was after hours and he personally answered the phone and agreed to come by the next day to see Jasper. Second, when we called him yesterday...on a Sunday...again, he personally answered the phone. This man is a hero in our eyes because of his unflagging compassion and commitment to animals, demonstrated by his continuing action and attention to our present situation. To continue, the vet assured us that it was no problem calling him when we did and immediately launched into an inquiry as to what was going on. When we informed him of Jasper's apparently deteriorating situtation, he quickly and definitively referred us to a local animal hospital offering 24 hour emergency care. To make a longer story shorter, after taking Jasper in, we learned that he has some sort of undefined mass in his intestinal tract and we are presently awaiting further information following more tests due to be done today. We left him at the hospital last night, came home, and just held each other and cried. Goddess, I am tearing up even now just writing this. Winston, Jasper's brother, is one very confused and distraught kitty right now as he doesn't understand why his brother isn't here. The two have never been apart before. In addition to all this, the costs of this care far outweigh what we paid last week. Needless to say, it's as though the Universe is letting us determine for ourselves just how committed we are to this whole abundance thing. *big sigh*

So this morning, after a restless night's sleep (joined at one point by Winston, who NEVER sleeps with us) and rising early, I face the day feeling already weary, yet knowing that somehow everything will turn out okay no matter the outcome. Presently, Don and I are focusing our thoughts on healing for Jasper and comfort for Winston. We are so grateful to be here for each other as well as this would be a most difficult thing to go through alone.

A closing thought from a Pagan song:

"We all come from the Goddess
And to Her we shall return
Like a drop of rain
Falling to the ocean."

Thank you once again friends for your indulgence.

Blessings and Light to All,

David

Letting Go

It is shortly after ten p.m. this Monday night as I write this...and I am weary, sad, and drained after the week's/day's events. Today, a very special chapter ended in our lives.

After several communications back and forth with the hospital, Don finally called me late this morning to inform me that Jasper, our sweet feline companion, was terminally beyond repair. Upon hearing the tears in his voice, I asked him if he wanted to go to the hospital to which he immediately replied, "Absolutely." We met at a local subway station and transferred there to a train that would take us to the destination which we both anticipated and dreaded. We rode mostly in silence, agonizing over the loss we were about to experience, even though we knew it to be for the best. At the hospital, the doctor greeted us after a brief waiting period and ushered us into the room where we would bid Jasper one last farewell. Moments later, when she brought him in, she briefed us on what to expect and then left us alone with him so we could express our love to him as he made this transition to the other side. With tears of gratitude we reached out to him, stroking him and letting him know that we love him and wish him well, that we are so grateful for all the joy he has brought us. In response, he began purring that deep throaty kind of purr...something he hadn't done since this whole thing began almost a week ago. Moments later, the doctor returned asking if we were okay going ahead. We assured her that we were ready, so she gently gave Jasper the necessary injections and we continued to show him affection as he quietly slipped away...purring all the way to the end. The moment was so gentle, yet so intense...we embraced and bawled as the doctor graciously left the three of us together for a last brief time. Afterward, as we walked in the fresh air and sunshine, we discussed memorial preparations as we headed back into Boston for a brief, subdued lunch, then visited a nearby flower vendor on our way home, doing our best to reconcile ourselves to the fact that we weren't bringing Jasper home. Upon arriving home, we quietly went about clearing and preparing an altar in his memory, including the fresh flowers, photos, and mementos that we felt would best honor him. When we were through, we stepped back and took it all in, only to be overcome again with grief. Especially difficult was the removal of the now extra food and water bowl stationed next to Winston's, yet we felt it best to deal with it right away rather than draw things out unnecessarily. Forgive me if this is all so damn repetetive, but this time is difficult at best. Throughout the evening, friends and family have called to express their condolences...some of them having pets of their own. So far, Winston seems to be taking Jasper's abscence quite well, but then we are giving him extra attention in the hope that it will ease him and us through this adjustment period. What offers us comfort at this point is that Jasper is no longer in pain, that he is free and no longer suffering. We are extremely grateful for how happy he was at the end and how peacefully he went. We couldn't have hoped for better. We will miss him dearly while at the same time we will move forward with our lives, knowing that it's all for the best.