So Here It Is...

Boston Pride is tomorrow and *big sigh* I am experiencing feelings of ambivalence. As of this post I am less than five "coming out" years old. Currently I am engaged to marry the most awesome man *contented sigh* and yet...angst still persists. The angst is not around the engagement, but rather, the persistent condition of being in the dual position of acceptance and ignorance of society at large. On the one hand, our friends and family (at least most of them...I hope) are accepting and supportive of our relationship. Then there are the aspects of uncertainty (are we accepted on equal ground as our straight family/friend counterparts?) and the issue of constantly being in the position of educating people as to the dynamic (validity?) of our relationship. A case in point: recently I was greeted by a neighbor as I was enroute to an errand. We exchanged polite conversation and then the neighbor next to her joined us. At one point, the second neighbor mentioned that she had seen Don in the cafeteria at the hospital recently. She referred to him as "your friend." While acknowledging her comment and informing her that he works at the hospital, I also pointed out that, in actuality, he is my fiance. Moments later, their ride arrived and as we parted ways, the first lady (with a rather pained expression) said, "Have luck." "Have luck?" What the hell does THAT mean? Now maybe, just maybe I'm projecting here, but I don't think so. Granted, both of these people are from an older generation, but that gives neither them or anyone else the right to refer to Don and me as merely "friends." None of my "friends" wears a ring on their left hand which exactly matches mine. I take exception and offense to such apparent disregard for our relationship just because we don't fit some people's idea of what "normal" is. Another case in point: fully three years after I came out and after Don and I became engaged, I learned that my brother-in-law had made it clear that I was welcome in his and my sister's home anytime...as long as I came alone. As much as I love my sister, I will NEVER enter their home...alone or otherwise...until such attitudes have changed and genuine apologies have been made.

So the quandary is living with the realization that, at least for the present, we are still a social oddity. Let me say that I am TIRED of this. How nice it would be to simply be a normal part of everyday life...that two men holding hands in public would simply be like any other couple. When is society going to grow up...if ever?

I will wake up in the morning next to the man I love. And I will go to work, trying to make the best of the day...even observing the spirit of the day in the small expression of the symbolism represented by the earrings I'll be wearing. In spite of it all, I will STILL hope for a brighter present for us all.

David