Wake Up Call
Aug. 13th, 2002 07:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vervain13This post should have been entered sooner, but I really needed time to process it further first.
Last Thursday, while waiting on the platform for the train to work, I felt an unusual and familiar sensation in my chest, a distinct pressure, as though something were trying to get out. Having been through a similar situation last year which resulted in a clean bill of health AND a warning from the attending cardiac physician to destress "or else," I now grew fearful that I had allowed the last few weeks to take entirely too much of a toll and the price was about to be paid. Arriving at work, I quickly apprised management, my physician, and Don of what was happening and ended up spending the remainder of the afternoon and a good part of the evening at the emergency room of the hospital where Don worked. It is amazing how sometimes we get so caught up in taking care of everything and everyone else that we end up neglecting ourselves in the process. It was through this event and the concurrent Rune readings I did while there that I FINALLY realized that, for the most part, I was still living my life for others to the detriment of my own wellbeing. My thoughts drifted back to my early adult years in church when a concept became a dogma: J-O-Y...Jesus, Others, You. Note that "you" comes last. The result has ultimately been a thought pattern so thoroughly ingrained that, even as a Pagan, I have been motivated to act more by what others think of my actions than simply taking care of life's priorities in their proper order for the right reasons. For the longest time I have held that guilt, shame, and fear are useless and yet up to now been unaware of just how deceitfully subtle and powerful such thought patterns are. We are, indeed, herd animals. This whole experience has helped to expand my sense of Life and to begin understanding that without taking care of one's self, the result is a cog-in-the-wheel existence. So I am grateful to be sitting here, typing all this with conscious awareness of the importance of seeing to my needs without feeling the least bit concerned about what anyone thinks. It is a breath of fresh air in my soul. Taking Caroline Myss's words to heart, "Change course immediately," I have done so. My days now begin with quietly enjoying coffee first thing...no computer, no music...just the early morning quiet. Then some form of meditation takes place i.e. Reiki, a Rune or Tarot reading, or something similar. Exercise has also entered the picture now as it is truly a friend when it comes to dealing with stress. Up to now, I have viewed it is more of an inconvenience than anything.
Suffice it to say that Life has taken on a new look and it is genuinely good to be handling things this way as opposed to the former
way. I find myself more relaxed about things in general, sleeping better, and anticipating the road ahead with a grateful heart rather than a sense of plodding along, fulfilling agendas which are not my own.
Life is indeed good.
It seems appropriate to end this post with a favorite quote:
"The aim of Life is to Live, and to Live means to be Aware,
joyously, drunkenly, serenely, Divinely Aware."
--Henry Miller
Last Thursday, while waiting on the platform for the train to work, I felt an unusual and familiar sensation in my chest, a distinct pressure, as though something were trying to get out. Having been through a similar situation last year which resulted in a clean bill of health AND a warning from the attending cardiac physician to destress "or else," I now grew fearful that I had allowed the last few weeks to take entirely too much of a toll and the price was about to be paid. Arriving at work, I quickly apprised management, my physician, and Don of what was happening and ended up spending the remainder of the afternoon and a good part of the evening at the emergency room of the hospital where Don worked. It is amazing how sometimes we get so caught up in taking care of everything and everyone else that we end up neglecting ourselves in the process. It was through this event and the concurrent Rune readings I did while there that I FINALLY realized that, for the most part, I was still living my life for others to the detriment of my own wellbeing. My thoughts drifted back to my early adult years in church when a concept became a dogma: J-O-Y...Jesus, Others, You. Note that "you" comes last. The result has ultimately been a thought pattern so thoroughly ingrained that, even as a Pagan, I have been motivated to act more by what others think of my actions than simply taking care of life's priorities in their proper order for the right reasons. For the longest time I have held that guilt, shame, and fear are useless and yet up to now been unaware of just how deceitfully subtle and powerful such thought patterns are. We are, indeed, herd animals. This whole experience has helped to expand my sense of Life and to begin understanding that without taking care of one's self, the result is a cog-in-the-wheel existence. So I am grateful to be sitting here, typing all this with conscious awareness of the importance of seeing to my needs without feeling the least bit concerned about what anyone thinks. It is a breath of fresh air in my soul. Taking Caroline Myss's words to heart, "Change course immediately," I have done so. My days now begin with quietly enjoying coffee first thing...no computer, no music...just the early morning quiet. Then some form of meditation takes place i.e. Reiki, a Rune or Tarot reading, or something similar. Exercise has also entered the picture now as it is truly a friend when it comes to dealing with stress. Up to now, I have viewed it is more of an inconvenience than anything.
Suffice it to say that Life has taken on a new look and it is genuinely good to be handling things this way as opposed to the former
way. I find myself more relaxed about things in general, sleeping better, and anticipating the road ahead with a grateful heart rather than a sense of plodding along, fulfilling agendas which are not my own.
Life is indeed good.
It seems appropriate to end this post with a favorite quote:
"The aim of Life is to Live, and to Live means to be Aware,
joyously, drunkenly, serenely, Divinely Aware."
--Henry Miller
