I Miss My Man
Aug. 18th, 2002 09:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vervain13Well Don is gone for all this week and here I am with plenty to do and at odds with it all. Yesterday morning he rose bright and early at 5:00 so as to make his 8:00 flight to Washington state to visit his family. I didn't sleep well due to the knowledge of his departure and the unrelenting summer heat we are experiencing. It was a strange feeling coming home to an empty house. Even Winston has noticed and has become quite vocal in his need for extra attention in Don's absence. *big sigh* I know just how he feels. Don's anniversary gift also arrived yesterday...long after he had left...a situation I had hoped to prevent. But anyway, the gift arrived and it is stunning. I managed to win an auction on eBay for a mouth-blown Murano cat from Italy. Its head is cobalt blue (Don's favorite color) with the body being clear glass containing beautiful swirls of various colors and a finishing touch of candycane striped tail. When we talked earlier today, I told him that it is waiting patiently for him on our family altar. He's really enjoying himself in this long overdue trip and I'm glad he's there. I just feel like part of me is missing and I am having trouble acclimating. Time to call forth the mutability of the Gemini rising in my chart and adapt.
Add to all this being reminded again lately just how "invisible," and therefore "abnormal," we (gay people/couples) are. A case in point: recently, Don came by where I work and briefly met one of my colleagues, a lady with whom I have enjoyed frequent pleasant conversation, work-related and otherwise. A day or so later, she asked me to discuss something with her in private. After finding a secluded place, she said that she didn't quite know how to handle "this whole sexuality thing," with me. When I asked her to elaborate, she gave as her example the fact of Don and I greeting each other with an affectionate kiss when he came by the other day. The way she described it, we were made to appear as if we had done a major liplock right there in front of everybody. I assured her that nothing was further from the truth, that we don't EVER engage in deep, intimate expressions of affection publicly...it just isn't done. We gave each other the same kind of greeting kiss which ANY NORMAL COUPLE would in a public context. She then stated that she "wanted me to be happy," that she "didn't want me to change, but..." But what? I told her that this said very little about me and a great deal about her. To her credit, she said that she would have to think our discussion over and reassess her feelings about the whole matter. A couple of days later, she brought a gift for us which she had made, a bottle of flavored, scented body oil intended for intimate use. I was genuinely touched by this obvious peace offering. And I am grateful that a better understanding developed on her part as a result of our conversation and her subsequent soul searching. Yet the sad truth remains, that as long as gay people are not "visible," i.e. doing things that normal people do in public like holding hands, kissing, etc. everything is fine. The moment we dare to be human on that level...well...THE SKY IS FALLING! THE SKY IS FALLING! Again, I am tired of this even being an issue. We get accused constantly of "flaunting," or some other such nonsense when it is OBVIOUS who is "flaunting." Has anyone looked around lately at the billboards, mall ads, television broadcasts, and the like and seen even ONE ad or show depicting people in a same sex relationship at all, positively or otherwise? Will and Grace don't count as Will NEVER has a normal relationship with another guy...if at all. And Queer As Folk is just one huge gay subculture infomercial, one which misrepresents us in the grossest fashion. Let's face it folks, heterosexuality sells, from home security systems to soft drinks to political campaigns. Now before it is said that I am "anti-heterosexual," please allow just one point of clarification: I despise sexism in any form whether it is gender sexism, heterosexism, or homosexism. It is all equally bad. The point is this: if two people are in a genuine, loving, committed relationship, then it's really nobody's business except theirs and whoever they choose to include in that circle of knowledge.
If you've read this far, then you have my sincere gratitude for listening to me vent.
David
Add to all this being reminded again lately just how "invisible," and therefore "abnormal," we (gay people/couples) are. A case in point: recently, Don came by where I work and briefly met one of my colleagues, a lady with whom I have enjoyed frequent pleasant conversation, work-related and otherwise. A day or so later, she asked me to discuss something with her in private. After finding a secluded place, she said that she didn't quite know how to handle "this whole sexuality thing," with me. When I asked her to elaborate, she gave as her example the fact of Don and I greeting each other with an affectionate kiss when he came by the other day. The way she described it, we were made to appear as if we had done a major liplock right there in front of everybody. I assured her that nothing was further from the truth, that we don't EVER engage in deep, intimate expressions of affection publicly...it just isn't done. We gave each other the same kind of greeting kiss which ANY NORMAL COUPLE would in a public context. She then stated that she "wanted me to be happy," that she "didn't want me to change, but..." But what? I told her that this said very little about me and a great deal about her. To her credit, she said that she would have to think our discussion over and reassess her feelings about the whole matter. A couple of days later, she brought a gift for us which she had made, a bottle of flavored, scented body oil intended for intimate use. I was genuinely touched by this obvious peace offering. And I am grateful that a better understanding developed on her part as a result of our conversation and her subsequent soul searching. Yet the sad truth remains, that as long as gay people are not "visible," i.e. doing things that normal people do in public like holding hands, kissing, etc. everything is fine. The moment we dare to be human on that level...well...THE SKY IS FALLING! THE SKY IS FALLING! Again, I am tired of this even being an issue. We get accused constantly of "flaunting," or some other such nonsense when it is OBVIOUS who is "flaunting." Has anyone looked around lately at the billboards, mall ads, television broadcasts, and the like and seen even ONE ad or show depicting people in a same sex relationship at all, positively or otherwise? Will and Grace don't count as Will NEVER has a normal relationship with another guy...if at all. And Queer As Folk is just one huge gay subculture infomercial, one which misrepresents us in the grossest fashion. Let's face it folks, heterosexuality sells, from home security systems to soft drinks to political campaigns. Now before it is said that I am "anti-heterosexual," please allow just one point of clarification: I despise sexism in any form whether it is gender sexism, heterosexism, or homosexism. It is all equally bad. The point is this: if two people are in a genuine, loving, committed relationship, then it's really nobody's business except theirs and whoever they choose to include in that circle of knowledge.
If you've read this far, then you have my sincere gratitude for listening to me vent.
David
