vervain13 | Wedding/Family Trip Part 2

*taking a deep centering breath* I hesitate as I begin typing this as the emotions around the whole thing are still quite raw and subject to volatility. The anticipated problems with my youngest sister never materialized, but something awaited us in Dallas which caught us completely off guard and sent us reeling. Upon arriving in Dallas, we spent time with Don's family before going to the rehearsal and dinner. For the most part, everything went well. Don's father and brother appeared to be relaxed and really enjoying themselves as we ate lunch and then met other family members and friends later just before leaving for the rehearsal. Melissa and Matt picked a beautiful location for their wedding and the rehearsal and subsequent photo shoot (which included me and Don's father's new girlfriend) went off without a hitch. Even at the rehearsal dinner, everyone appeared relaxed and happy. We didn't receive any odd looks except from an elderly matriarch who, recognizing us as a same sex couple, gave us as much hospitality as one would expect from a black widow spider toward her web-snared prey. Whatever. We knew we would never be seeing her again so it really didn't matter. And again, at the dinner our photo was taken with no one so much as blinking an eye. So far, so good. The following day we went shopping with Corin, Don's father's girlfriend (a story unto itself), and had a great time buying holiday gifts and helping her choose some apparel for the wedding that evening. The three of us bonded quite well and talked about future visits when we would have more time to spend together. *taking another deep centering breath* That evening, as we sat in seats reserved for family members only, we partook in a wedding ceremony which we found beautiful and moving. It simply couldn't have been more perfect. Following the ceremony and yet another photo shoot (once again including me and Corin), we all piled into vehicles and hurried off to the Tower Club in Dallas for the reception. This took place at the top of the Thanksgiving Tower, a forty-eight story building with a spectacular view of the Dallas skyline. The setting included a delicious buffet, plenty of celebratory libations, a DJ and dance floor, and reserved seating for family members (which, again, included me and Corin). The crowd was in a genuinely festive mood and people moved freely about, enjoying everything provided for this memorable event. At one point, I got up and surreptitiously made my way to the DJ to request a song, "At Last," by Etta James. Little did I know that Don was going to get up and make the same request moments later. The DJ readily agreed and several more songs played while we continued to enjoy the reception. When Don came back from making his request, he told me what he'd done and I confessed to doing the same as the song is so meaningful to us. We smiled with anticipation as we waited. When the first notes of "At Last," began to play, we joined hands and made our way to the dance floor where we were quickly joined by several other couples as we slow danced in complete bliss, each of us thinking about our wedding reception with this song as the opening dance. When the song was over, we made our way back to our table and settled in again, unaware of what was unfolding. The venom of the black widow was about to make its bite known and we were the intended prey. To our utter disbelief, Don's father told him, in a seemingly offhand way, "No more dancing, Donald." Apparently, another family matriarch, seeing us dancing together, freaked out and couldn't believe that two GUYS were slow dancing together at THIS wedding reception and asked Don's father to put a stop to it...immediately. We were shocked, angered, and hurt that such outright discrimination would take place when all the signals to this point had been that we were welcome, as a couple, and to just be ourselves like everyone else. Why had no one said anything at the rehearsal and dinner or at the photo shoots? And if they had a problem with any aspect of our being a couple, why didn't anyone address this prior to the whole evening? Needless to say, we left the reception and took the next bus back to Plano. We were outraged! How dare they treat us like this after "accepting" us in every other way! Apparently we weren't the good little faggots we were supposed to be by "keeping to ourselves," and "not making a scene." The thing is, this was not about "making a scene," or "making a political statement." The only intent we had was to enjoy dancing to the one song which means so much to us and being content with that. And if this was such an issue, why did those other couples dancing with us seem to have no problem with it? Not one of them treated us any differently than if we had been an opposite sex couple. The problem here is this: we didn't sit at the back of the bus. We behaved exactly like any other normal couple would and got blasted for it! Even though our flight back to OKC didn't leave until the next day, we couldn't wait to leave. And Don's father had the chutzpah to act afterward as though everything was just fine. Everything is NOT just fine. This sets a precedent for all the other weddings to come...at least three more...and that's just siblings. Unless he can take responsibility for his completely inappropriate behaviour and take every measure to repair this gaping breach, we WON'T be attending any future life cycle events. We were both appalled that this man, who had been supportive of Don's coming out so many years ago, would buckle to the pressure of bigotry rather than stand up for what's right AND for his eldest son's relationship. At this point, we have decided to think this through thoroughly before taking any further action. This is clearly between Don and his father. Right now, I could care less if his father attends our wedding the summer after next. His siblings and other relatives are welcome, but we refuse to allow such small-mindedness to ruin our wedding day. Anyone exhibiting such behaviour will IMMEDIATELY be escorted off the premises.

Okay. I simply can't go on. I'll rage endlessly if I do.

Thanks to all who have bothered to read this lengthy post.