vervain13 | Existentialism Anyone?

It is the dreamtime. Only I am as yet unaware that it is the dreamtime. The setting is the late ‘60’s and I am standing, dressed as a typical white collar worker, in some sort of office complex in a high rise building, watching people go about their daily routines. At one point, I interact with a woman in her early twenties who looks every bit the part of the overworked, underpaid, subservient secretary. While I don’t recall the exact words we used, the gist of our conversation is one of me attempting to get her to see her true value as a person…to rise above the limitations she and others have placed on her. Her supervisor, a man, then alludes to her losing her job if she doesn’t keep her place. He does this with an arrogant sneer on his face, all the while displaying a sense of superiority and ownership toward her. I quickly exit, looking back at her and saying to her, “We’ll talk later.” I then wander around the office complex and gradually become aware that I am in the dreamtime. I am now consciously aware of what is going on. Suddenly I feel both older and younger at the same time. It is an odd, yet not uncomfortable feeling. Accompanying this awareness is a sense that I am being offered the opportunity to alter the timeline which I originally inhabit. With that sense, my awareness expands…allowing me to see the events of the “past” as yet to unfold…the AIDS epidemic, the end of the Vietnam war, technological advances in industry, medicine, and finance, even paradigm shifts. I am seeing all these things in no particular order, but rather as a web of connected events/situations/unfoldings. I now realize that I can choose differently than before, having this wondrous awareness of what lies ahead/around. Thoughts of leading a very different life flow past me…living an authentic and yes, even courageous life rather than the one where I placed the expectations of others as paramount and lived in unhappiness and fear. Thoughts of being able to acquire lasting financial security instead of ever living paycheck to paycheck present themselves in a most alluring fashion. The realization that I would be very much on my own with few to no temporal spiritual resources also looms prominently…a thought which gives a sense of mild discomfort and yet certain strength in knowing that at least I would be walking my Path rather than the one others would have me walk. Thoughts of avoiding the whole religion/marriage/having children mess which currently pervades my life also make themselves powerfully felt and add to the increasing desire to create such a free new life for myself. At this point, I decide to seek out a place of relative solitude, a sanctuary of sorts, in order to meditate on all these things and arrive at a definitive decision. With the then gradual stirring of consciousness, I become aware of being in bed at home. I have exited the dreamtime. Hearing Don get out of bed and gently shut the door behind himself as he begins his day, I lie awake and feel the power and depth of this dreamtime experience and wonder at it all. It literally felt as though I had the option of choosing to alter the timeline and live a very different life than the one I currently have. This gives me great pause. Part of me wishes that I had taken advantage of the choice and reaped the potential rewards. Another part remembers the gentle and firm words of a friend a few years ago who reminded me that all the cumulative experiences I’ve had to date contribute to who I am now. Without them, I simply would not exist as I currently know myself. Hmmm.