The Mourning After
Jan. 25th, 2005 08:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vervain13Debi is gone. She left this life peacefully last Thursday morning at 3:39 a.m. CST. She was surrounded by love and light as we held her hands and watched her step through the veil. Now she is finally at peace.
Even though everyone had ample opportunity to “prepare” for her departure this has been a really hard experience for us all. My sister Peggy and I can only imagine what Mom is going through. The day after Debi’s passing I had the privilege of holding Mom while she was racked with sobs and tears saying, “Nothing hurts like this.” We know, Mom, we know. And we are loving you, each other, and ourselves through this.
The day before the memorial service relatives began arriving from as far away as just outside Houston, Texas. Memories were shared, laughter echoed, and tears flowed freely as we all spoke of the Debi we all knew and loved so much.
All of this is coming through a veil of tears which is covering not only my eyes but my heart as well.
And so many people have been so supportive…in ways too numerous to mention. The only exceptions to this are a few individuals who have shown by their insensitivity and lack of respect that they need to be excused from our lives.
My niece Lyndsey, Debi’s daughter, appears to be doing fairly okay with her Mother’s death…so far. She is preparing to marry in June and is starting a whole new life of her own.
The day of the memorial service we had a visit from crows…big, black crows…in the yard as we were preparing to leave for the service. And earlier that day when we saw the funeral home director he said to expect a crowd. An auditorium built to seat 700 was nearly packed. Debi knew a lot of people and fond memories…complete with more tears…were shared about her at the service. Delicate breaches in the extended family began to be tentatively repaired and misunderstandings were swept away by love and compassion as those involved came to the understanding that love is all that really matters.
According to Debi’s wishes she was cremated and this afternoon I divided up the cremains among Mom, Peggy, Lyndsey, and myself as we agreed that Debi would want to be placed wherever each of us thought best. Seeing those ashes and knowing that they were the sister that had been with us just last week brought fresh grief cascading down the depths of my soul. I will hike into the Fells this spring with my husband and leave them in a place of breathtaking beauty…perhaps at the top of a peak…and let the Earth reclaim Her own as she sees fit.
Tomorrow my flight leaves for home and Don and I are on pins and needles as we have only been apart this long one other time a few years ago. He is taking the entire day off as he said, “You are not coming home to an airport full of strangers and then coming home to an empty house.” Is it any wonder that I love this man so much that it hurts? I thank the Gods for him, for my family, for all the support, and especially all the wonderful years we had with Debi.
“Lay down, lay down your burdens,
Lay down your treasures too.
The love you gave and gathered in,
Is all you take with you.
But know to me your memory,
Will evermore be blessed,
And may you grow young again
On the Island of the West.”
Even though everyone had ample opportunity to “prepare” for her departure this has been a really hard experience for us all. My sister Peggy and I can only imagine what Mom is going through. The day after Debi’s passing I had the privilege of holding Mom while she was racked with sobs and tears saying, “Nothing hurts like this.” We know, Mom, we know. And we are loving you, each other, and ourselves through this.
The day before the memorial service relatives began arriving from as far away as just outside Houston, Texas. Memories were shared, laughter echoed, and tears flowed freely as we all spoke of the Debi we all knew and loved so much.
All of this is coming through a veil of tears which is covering not only my eyes but my heart as well.
And so many people have been so supportive…in ways too numerous to mention. The only exceptions to this are a few individuals who have shown by their insensitivity and lack of respect that they need to be excused from our lives.
My niece Lyndsey, Debi’s daughter, appears to be doing fairly okay with her Mother’s death…so far. She is preparing to marry in June and is starting a whole new life of her own.
The day of the memorial service we had a visit from crows…big, black crows…in the yard as we were preparing to leave for the service. And earlier that day when we saw the funeral home director he said to expect a crowd. An auditorium built to seat 700 was nearly packed. Debi knew a lot of people and fond memories…complete with more tears…were shared about her at the service. Delicate breaches in the extended family began to be tentatively repaired and misunderstandings were swept away by love and compassion as those involved came to the understanding that love is all that really matters.
According to Debi’s wishes she was cremated and this afternoon I divided up the cremains among Mom, Peggy, Lyndsey, and myself as we agreed that Debi would want to be placed wherever each of us thought best. Seeing those ashes and knowing that they were the sister that had been with us just last week brought fresh grief cascading down the depths of my soul. I will hike into the Fells this spring with my husband and leave them in a place of breathtaking beauty…perhaps at the top of a peak…and let the Earth reclaim Her own as she sees fit.
Tomorrow my flight leaves for home and Don and I are on pins and needles as we have only been apart this long one other time a few years ago. He is taking the entire day off as he said, “You are not coming home to an airport full of strangers and then coming home to an empty house.” Is it any wonder that I love this man so much that it hurts? I thank the Gods for him, for my family, for all the support, and especially all the wonderful years we had with Debi.
“Lay down, lay down your burdens,
Lay down your treasures too.
The love you gave and gathered in,
Is all you take with you.
But know to me your memory,
Will evermore be blessed,
And may you grow young again
On the Island of the West.”
